Recently, some friends and I were talking about recovery and healing and “the work.” What does it mean to be doing “the work?” Here’s what I think:
There is the tangible stuff that we do: showing up to recovery meetings. Showing up to therapy. Doing step work. Journaling. Meditating. Praying. Setting boundaries. Saying no. Being in service. Spending time in nature. Reading 12-step literature. Reading other spiritual stuffs. Calling your sponsor. Telling the truth in therapy. Those are all part of “the work.”
And then there is the intangible work that we do in therapy. What are we even doing in therapy? I used to ask my own therapist this on a regular basis. While I knew that therapy was helping me immensely, it still felt a little bit like ✨magic✨, and I wanted to understand.
My therapist had a lot of answers for me, all of which were true: Increasing my “window of tolerance.” Space to feel my feelings. Finding my inner wisdom. Learning how to regulate my nervous system. Creating new neural pathways. We have definitely done all of those things.
Here’s what I told my friend, though: When we are very little, we inherit and create all of these beliefs about ourselves, other people, the world. I am a bad kid. Other people can’t be trusted. The world is scary. Our beliefs shape our perspective and our behaviors; how we show up for ourselves, our relationships, the world.
Therapy is the space where we uncover those beliefs, figure out what exactly they are, because so many were formed without us even knowing it. Then, we hold them up to the light and ask, Is this serving me? And if the answer is no, therapy is the space where we change them.
Which sounds incredibly simple. And actually, it is kind of simple. But it is not easy. Which is why it’s called work. 😝
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